WTF Wednesday: How to Piss Off a Pregnant Woman

WTF happens to people when they're around a pregnant woman? Tell someone you're preggers and suddenly all decorum and tact flies right out the window. They will say ANYthing to you no matter how wildly inappropriate. I can't decide if these people are trying to help or if they're just assholes. Probably a little of both. For those that may have an expectant mom in their life, here's a handy list of some things to NEVER EVER EVER say to her:

Was this planned?
Were YOU planned?

Took you long enough! (Same goes for "I'm not ready for you to be pregnant yet!")
Oh shit! Next time I'll be sure to bone on a timeline that works for you.

You're so big! Are you sure it's now twins in there?
Yes, I'm sure. How many babies are YOU having, asshat? (This also goes for "You're so tiny!" Shut up. Shut up. Shut up.)

Can I rub your belly? (especially if said while you're ALREADY touching her belly)
Can I rub YOUR belly, random stranger? No?!? Alrighty, then.

I don't like that name.
Well now I don't like yours.

I wish you were having a boy/girl instead of a girl/boy.
Oh, I'm sorry. Let me just perform a sex change on my unborn child in utero to suit your desires.

Get all the sleep you can now, because it's all over when the baby comes!
Gee, thanks! I hadn't thought of that! And I'm sleeping just great now what with all the worrying, aches, baby kicks, and constant peeing.

I have the worst/scariest/grossest labor story...
Splendid! I wasn't terrified enough.

Are you sure you should eat/drink that?
Are you sure you should question a hormonal pregnant woman?

It's just hormones.
Fuck you.