Cute Pregnancy Announcements I Want to Steal

Announcements! Announcements! Annooooooouuuunccce-MENTS! (My fellow former Sports Plus counselors just heard that in Rich Waters' bull-horn voice, right? Just me? Mmm-kay.)

So far this blog has been kept pretty hush-hush since we aren't ready to tell everyone our exciting news just yet. (So thanks for reading, Mom and Chrissy!) As we move along our first trimester, I've been pondering the perfect way to share our great news with the whole world. I'm a realist, so I know that I'll probably just un-creatively scream it from the rooftops on the day we hit our 12th week, but in a perfect world I'd love to come up with some perfectly adorable Pinterest-worthy announcement like these:

Decisions, decisions...

Drinking the Haterade

Does anyone else hate the What to Expect lady as much as I do? Am I terrible mommy-to-be?

I recently made my first pregnancy purchase, the ever-popular maternity bible What to Expect When You're Expecting.  I was so excited about this rite of passage, feeling the tiniest bit smug in the line at Target with my book, boxes of Saltine crackers, and jumbo bottle of ginger ale. "Look, everyone!" I wanted to shout in the middle of the store. "I'M FUCKING PREGNANT!!!" I settled for the sweet knowing look the cashier threw me while ringing up my tell-tale items.

I rushed home, ready to dive in and learn all about the walking science experiment my body has started becoming. I was a little afraid the book would be kind of out of date. After all, I remember the dog-eared copy that sat on my mother's nightstand when she was expecting my little sister TWENTY FIVE years ago. So I was super pleased when I saw that the author, Heidi Murkoff, had updated the book for more modern times and had even introduced a handy app to go along with it, which I immediately downloaded.

I pressed play on the first video the app suggested and was immediately floored. I HATED HER. Not just kind of didn't like her, I mean visceral, wanted to punch in her know-it-all face kind of hate.

Now I'm completely open to the idea that my hormones may have been to blame for my knee-jerk hatred. After all, I've also found myself drinking the haterade anytime I'm driving, shopping, or someone steps in front of me on my morning walks. Basically anytime I leave the house to deal with some kind of errand, I turn into an impatient rage monster. Yay mood swings. But those moments pass and I'm able to giggle at myself, knowing full well that I don't actually hate the guy who just cut me off, making me miss the turn onto La Brea. Heidi Murkoff, however? Yeah, can't shake it.

Why does this face anger me so?

She just bugs me, guys. Her voice, her stupid pink shirts, her Marlo Thomas after too many face lifts look, the fact that her last name makes me think of the word merkin, all of it. I keep trying to watch her videos but I JUST CAN'T DO IT. Anyone else? Or am I alone in my hatred?

Ironically, I think "hate" is a terrible word and try not to actually hate anyone. And lately Taylor Swift's "Shake it Off" has embarrassingly been MY JAM. And I don't even like Taylor Swift! I'm just gonna blame that on the hormones, too.

In the words of Seth Rogen's Knocked Up character, "Fuck you, HORMONES! You're a raging bitch, HORMONES!" And apparently when it comes to the What to Expect lady, so am I.

Holy Guacamole!!

You guys. I'm obsessed. I can't get enough.

Guacamole is my new addiction. It's serious. If I continue at this rate, an intervention will be needed.

I don't even like avocados. I know, I know. That's completely sacrilegious for a Native Angelino to admit, but it's true. They've always grossed me out. In the past couple years, I've learned to tolerate guacamole, and even make a pretty mean guac myself (For parties. I rarely eat it when I make it). But in the past two weeks, I've become a fiend. I crave it. I dream of it. I ask The Hubs if we can have Mexican for dinner far too often just so I can have more of it. It's a problem.

Or is it? According to all my reading, avocados are a super food and great for pregnant women. I guess this baby is already smarter than I am, because they're demanding it constantly. Good job, little Nugget! Already wanting to be healthy and forcing your Mama to do the same. Yay!

I'm wondering what other crazy cravings are in store for me. We're only five weeks along and so far I've been all about guac, fruit, and quesadillas. I better perfect my guacamole recipe, because I'm sure The Hubs won't appreciate my sending him out to find a 24-hour Mexican restaurant in the middle of the night.

Check out my guac recipe below! What's your favorite way to make the green goodness?


Lady B's Holy Guacamole

6 medium ripe Haas avocados, peeled & mashed
1 medium tomato, chopped
1/4 medium onion, chopped
1 teaspoon cilantro, chopped
juice of 1 lime
salt, pepper, and garlic powder to taste

Mix it all up in a bowl. Dive in face (or chip) first.

There Will be Cussing

Welcome to Lady Breeds!

In light of a super exciting new chapter of my life, I've decided to keep a blog separate from Life by Lady B to document my...drumroll please...PREGNANCY!

That's right! The Hubs and I are expecting a new addition in July 2015! We couldn't be more thrilled about this new journey and I don't want to forget any of it! With this blog I'll be able to (hopefully) track the progress of the tiny Nugget growing inside me, their eventual entrance to the world, and the hilarity that will surely ensue once The Hubs and I attempt parenting.

This blog is going to painfully honest at times so Mom and Mom-in-Law, be forewarned. There will be cussing. Sorry in advance! But there will also be plenty of laughter and I'm sure some sweet heart-warming moments as well.

It's about to get real, y'all.